Dr. Don Wood

Tony Winyard 0:00

habits and health Episode 27.

Jingle 0:03

Welcome to the habits and health Podcast, where we believe creating healthy habits should be easy. Brought to you by an educator and coach for anyone who wants to create a healthier life. here's your host, Tony Winyard.

Tony Winyard 0:20

Welcome to the podcast where we aim to give you ideas on different habits you can create that will improve your life in some way. And today's guest is Dr. Don Wood, PhD, who developed the TIPP method after spending years researching how atmospheric conditions affect our minds and impacts our lives. He went back to school later in life to get his PhD in clinical counselling and psychology to learn how to heal his daughter's Crohn's disease and his wife's auto immune disease. "Teaching people to live with manage and cope with the daily stress doesn't fix the problem. That solution comes from understanding its source and providing a long term permanent solution. Both his wife and daughter experienced childhood trauma, and he saw how it affected their lives. We're going to talk a lot more about some of this in the episode. He's spoken on these topics domestically in the US internationally. He's been a guest contributor and Joe polishes. I love marketing. It's been a speaker for sports and leadership, James Wedmore, his inner circle, and many other speaking engagements and has appeared on over 100 podcasts, including Dave Asprey with bulletproof radio Spartan up podcast, unbeatable mind, brain, grief, Greenfield and many others. So that's this week's guest, Dr. Don wood. Hope you enjoy the show.

habits and health. My guest today is Dr. Don Wood. How are you doing?

Dr. Don Wood 1:48

I'm good. How are you? Tony?

Tony Winyard 1:49

I'm pretty good. Thank you. We find you today in Florida. in Orlando?

Dr. Don Wood 1:54

Florida. beautiful, sunny Orlando, Florida. Although we've had about a week of rain so but apart from that it's been not a lot of rain but rainy enough.

Tony Winyard 2:05

If you want to talk about rain, I live in England.

Dr. Don Wood 2:08

That's true.

Tony Winyard 2:13

We've just had, the last few days have been nonstop rain. But you know, that's we're kind of used to that as normal.

Unknown Speaker 2:19

yeah, the start for us, like we're used to sunshine, we have about 350 days of sunshine. So very unusual for us to have clouds for that long.

Tony Winyard 2:29

Right. So I think we the inverse, we have about 350 days of rain.

Unknown Speaker 2:35

Yeah. And we're in the and we're in a tropical area, we get our rain, but it's generally doesn't last very long. It's maybe an hour, and especially in the summers.

Tony Winyard 2:44

And so Don, what is it you do? How do you how do you help people?

Unknown Speaker 2:48

Well, I developed a programme. And we the company's called Aspire performance Institute. And the programme is called tip tip. And it's the Aspire performance programme. And what I discovered was that people who have unresolved trauma, I believe that that unresolved trauma is creating inflammation in the body, which then compromises the immune system and compromises your neurotransmitters, so that people are getting sicker because your immune system is compromised. And they're feeling bad because their neurotransmitters are compromised. That's a combination of both physical and emotional issues. And so what I really did through my research is I came up with a way that we can resolve it, we can get that trauma resolved. When you resolve the trauma, then the person can stay present and in the moment, because what I have found is that unresolved trauma keeps looping keeps the system in an active fight or flight or freeze response. And we have to get that updated. So your brain is just like a computer. So really, what we're going to do is reboot your computer.

Tony Winyard 3:56

So what kind of people is it that you help?

Unknown Speaker 4:00

It's from all cross sections, which is really interesting. I work with people who the you know, the obvious trauma survivors like from the Boston Marathon bombing the Vegas shooting veterans who have gone through your suffering from post traumatic stress all the way to World Class athletes, high performing executives, people like that also are dealing with that and it's interesting because a lot of times people think, well they must be fine they what could be possibly wrong with them. They've got everything. You know, I had a lady come in whose husband is a professional athlete, and and yet she's struggling with a whole bunch of different you know, issues that she's had since childhood. But most people would look at her and be able to say well what could you possibly not be you know, happy about you know, you've got fame and fortune and everything going for you and, and children. Yet she was suffering not only emotionally but also that has started to then create a whole bunch of physical issues. For her as well,

Tony Winyard 5:01

one notice really proves you, none of us have any idea what's happening in other people's lives, it's very easy to make, cast aspersions, oh, it must be easy for them because of this, this or this, but we never really know do

Unknown Speaker 5:15

know, and you see them, you know, they got the nice car, they got the nice home, you know, by every measurement that we would use for success, they they hit all the markers. But that doesn't mean that they're happy. Yeah, and it doesn't mean that they haven't had issues earlier in their life that they've just managed to have some success in a particular field, but doesn't necessarily mean that they're enjoying life.

Tony Winyard 5:40

So who is is there a section of people or a type of person? Who is the most difficult to help?

Unknown Speaker 5:49

Um, that's an interesting question, I find that we can help most people, the only area that we do have a little bit of difficulty in is if people are heavily medicated. So if they're on multiple medications, one of the things that is important for me to be able to do is get your mind to process information. And when they're heavily medicated, they have, the purpose of the medication is basically they shut you down. Yeah. And when the brain shuts down that way, it's also harder for me, right to get them to be able to get the information I need them to be able to absorb. So that would probably be about the only person but like I said, I've worked with people who have told me that they didn't even want to come that they don't think this can help, you know, all the way to the people that were saying, I know this is the answer. Right? I've researched it, and I know that you can help me. So I get it from every cross section.

Tony Winyard 6:48

So you mentioned about some people or beings who were really sceptical when they came to see you, they didn't think it was gonna work. Can you give us an example of someone who really was dealt doubt in it? And you were able to help them? And they had a different life afterwards? Maybe? I don't know.

Unknown Speaker 7:02

Yeah, I had a very successful business person. And he crashed his plane into a lake with his nine year old daughter. And so obviously, he had a lot of physical injuries. And fortunately, he didn't go unconscious, his daughter did, but he was able to save her. They rescued both of them. But he was dealing with a lot of post traumatic stress, as well as his physical injuries. She was younger, so she had some injuries. And they seem to think that she seemed to be okay psychologically. But he was struggling. And his pastor was actually who I knew was trying to get him to come and see me. And one day, I was actually downtown, and he called me and said, will you drop by his office? He said, I'm still trying to convince him he needs to see you. He said, but I think if you talk to him, maybe he would do it. So I dropped by the office and he was still like, you know, listen, I don't think I need any of this. And you know, I'm managing it, you know, it's more the physical pain. He says, You know, I have an emotional stuff, his assistant, actually said to me, I need my daughter to come and see us, she sat in on this, she goes, I think you can help her so actually did have her daughter come in. Anyway, he eventually, the pastor just sort of really bullied him into it, and said, You need to go. And so he agreed. And so he came in, I do a basically a four hour process. And afterwards, I got a call the next day from the pastor who said to me that he talked to him and he said, that was the single greatest life changing experience he ever had. So he went from being a total non believer that it could help them to realise in how much he needed to get that trauma resolved.

Tony Winyard 8:50

And how's he get to know now? Awesome.

Unknown Speaker 8:53

Physically, he still struggled for a little bit, but he they got a lot of that physical stuff, also taking care of, because I also believe that when we have our minds in a better place, it will do, it'll do maintenance a lot better. That's why I always talk about I've always, I never had any trauma as a child. And my nervous system was regulated pretty well, especially as a child. And so that kept me healthy all my life. So when our nervous system is regulated, I believe that it does maintenance on a better level. So if you're in a constant fight or flight mode, your mind's not going to be doing maintenance, minimal maintenance. So I think once we got him into a better place emotionally, he was able to start healing. So I say when you change the way you feel, you'll change the way you heal.

Tony Winyard 9:46

And that all happened in four hours.

Unknown Speaker 9:49

Four hours. Yeah. Like I said, I've worked with people who've had post traumatic stress. You know, for years Rebecca Gregory. She was three feet from the first bomb that was After the Boston Marathon, she had posttraumatic stress for five and a half years, she lost her left leg from the bombing. And when she came in to see me, she said, I'll be honest with you. She says, this sounds too good to be true. But she says, I have nightmares every night. And she says, I'm desperate for an answer. And so she went through our programme, you can watch her testimonial on our site, and she just couldn't believe in four hours. She hasn't had a nightmare. Again, that's gone, and just totally changed her life.

Tony Winyard 10:30

And so is it. I mean, so your programme is always four hours in every situation? Or is it does it vary depending on the circumstances,

Unknown Speaker 10:38

it can vary. So most of the time, it's four hours. So I've done it actually shorter. I've done it in three hours, and I've done it in seven hours. So it's just whatever it takes, sometimes, you know, some people just need a little longer want to talk a little bit more, you know, I sort of go, but my average is pretty much four hours.

Tony Winyard 10:57

And is there cases where some people I mean, you mentioned about the medication and people are heavily medicated. But if someone is really putting up resistance and blocking, you know, trying to block it, would that make it more difficult or now, because what they said is, is really science.

Unknown Speaker 11:13

I've just what I've developed is a programme that basically works with the subconscious survival brain, it communicates with that part of the brain, which is where the glitching and error messages are coming in from. And so I said, you know, you don't need to believe in science for science to work. It just works. So the mind has gotten stuck. And so as long as they, you know, work with me during those four hours, it works. It just works. And is this something that has to be done face to face? Or can it be done online? Yeah, we, I did most of them, obviously, in the beginning to develop the programme face to face. And then I realised that I'm not scalable. So it's, it's going to be limited on how many people I can reach. So I developed a digital online version of that same for our programme. And at first people were sceptical whether it could work, and I always talk about my wife is my best fan. And she even said, Are you sure this is gonna work? It's not you directly working with them. But we've had amazing success from that. So people have really, they've loved it. And it's, and it's worked again, because it's just taking them through the techniques and the and the protocol.

Tony Winyard 12:29

And so where did this all come from? What How did you get interested in this in the first place,

Unknown Speaker 12:34

like I talked about, I had this idyllic childhood. So I never really had any kinds of issues or, and I was just assuming that everybody lived my life, I assumed that all my friends had my parents and that their life was the same as my life because I never saw, you know, when our friends are growing up, a lot of times, we don't know what's going on inside their homes. And so a lot of my friends were dealing with physical, emotional sexual abuse that I was unaware of. And it wasn't until I met my wife when I was 18, that I saw a different world. And she was not living in the world I grew up in she had a very angry father that just ruled the house with complete terror. And so she was living in fear. Always all the children in that home, we're living in fear. And so I thought, well, when we get married, we got married at 19, she's gonna then move into my world, and she'll be living in the environment I grew up in. So that's all gonna change. And that will help. But it didn't. And I couldn't understand why. Until I really started doing the research, and I didn't really start doing the research until my daughter was diagnosed with krones at 14. And when she was 14, they ended up telling us that she has Crohn's, and that she's going to just be living with this for the rest of her life. And then at 16, she disclosed to us some trauma that she'd experienced when she was between the ages of six and eight that we were unaware of. And so she ended up having for resections done on where they had to go in and literally cut out pieces of our intestinal tract. She also developed another autoimmune issue called idiopathic pulmonary hemo siderosis, where the lungs just bleed. And so they said, you know, it's a rare condition, but she's got to be careful because she could literally just choke to death on her blood that within 15 minutes or lungs could fill up. So that's really where it was because of them more my daughter because my wife was high functioning. If you met her you wouldn't have known same with I didn't know my friends were dealing with this. If you had met my wife, you wouldn't have assumed that there was anything wrong, she's high functioning. But my daughter was an obvious what she was dealing with. And so what I discovered is that I believe that her health issues were the result of Have her unresolved trauma. And so I started looking at ways because everything that they had taught us up to that point was how to live and manage and cope with these things. You got anxiety, you've got depression, we're going to teach you to live and manage it. We're going to give you medication to to live and manage with it. And what I said is, I just don't see that as an answer, we're gonna lose our daughter, my wife said, we'll lose her if we don't come up with an answer. And so that's what I did. And I came up with a way to get that trauma reset, so that the mind was no longer looping through it in that high definition format, which is what I say, creates the dysregulation of our nervous system. So since my daughter's gone through the programme, she has had a Crohn's flare up, and she hasn't had a lung issue. So the only thing that correlates with that is the programme.

Tony Winyard 15:53

And so how long ago did she go through this? But nine years ago, so she's one of the first people to do,

Unknown Speaker 16:00

yep, yep, her and my wife, my wife first and, and then her, and then I started doing it with other people as well. So my daughter actually wasn't even the second one. So I was really developing the programme, and then took her through it. So she is probably more like seven years, I guess that she's gone to the programme, and has that any issues?

Tony Winyard 16:21

But yes, your programme itself? How did you? You know, was it a series of kind of experiments or theories? And how did you actually put it all together? In the first most?

Unknown Speaker 16:31

Yeah, it was really just I spent a lot of time researching before I even tried to put the programme together. And to sort of lay out, here's what I really believe is why this works. Number one, the subconscious mind is survival based, and is fully present all the time, just like the animal mind. So it works similar to if you have any pets, do you have a pet? Now, if you have any pets, if you had a pet, animals are 100% present all the time. Yeah, that's how their minds work. So everything for an animal is happening now. 95% of our mind works just like that it's survival based fully present, we have two very unique features that no other animal has. We have this frontal lobe that ability to use reason and logic, our intellect, well, we can figure out how to do something if we don't know how to do it. And so that's a brilliant part of our brain, but it's not in charge of survival. And it's only operating at about 5%. The second unique feature that we have is the ability to store billions of bits of information. So everything you've ever seen her touched or smelled in your lifetime has been recorded and stored in this explicit memory. Now, we have two memory systems, we also have what the animals have is that associative, repetitive procedural memory, then we learn that's how we learn how to ride a bike. You know, animals learn through repetition in association, we have that memory system as well. But it's the explicit memory system that's creating the interference. And, and here's why. Because if 95% of your minds operate in the present, just like the animal mind, and it recalls or looks at data from five years ago, when is the thing that that is actually happening right now. So there is going to create a response to something that's not happening, it's a glitch. It's seen that information from five or 10 or 20 years ago in real time, that keeps the system and an active response that's going to wear down physically you and it's also going to wear you down emotionally. And that's what I was seeing.

Tony Winyard 18:43

Does that make some sense? It makes sense. And I'm just wondering how you would combat that.

Unknown Speaker 18:49

So the idea was, is once I realised that I believe the way the issue is coming in from his memory. So I started studying a lot of different ways that they were trying to help and resolve trauma. So I studied a lot of different modalities. And I realised, for example, EMDR, which is a very good modality on how to help with traumatic events, but EMDR takes multiple sessions. And you have to deal a lot with the trauma, what I have figured out is a way to do that very quickly. So I can actually ask you to give me a two to three minute highlight reel of an event and experience that you had. And then those two or three minutes, I can take you through a couple of techniques that takes the mind the way it's looked at that information in high definition and actually reprocess it. It goes into a restorative mindset and that's why I need the four hours because I believe it takes about two hours for the mind to get into that state that it will actually start doing updates and restoration.

Tony Winyard 19:55

So does that involve any kind of sort of like a hypnotic state or anything along that As lines,

Unknown Speaker 20:00

or hypnosis is much deeper. So I know people have used hypnosis for trauma. I don't go anywhere near that deep. It's actually a very, it's just conversational like you and I are doing. What I found, though, through the work that I've done, is it for the first hour and a half to two hours, I'm really just talking about the science and the education. Because when people understand I start off right from the very beginning by saying there's nothing wrong with you. And there's nothing wrong with your mind. The reason why you're experiencing the things you use describe to me the anxiety, depression, panic attacks, is because your mind is looking at old data and creating responses, right? Of course, it's going to do that it's designed to do that. If it thinks there's a threat, it wants to protect you from the threat. Yeah, the glitches, because that information, so if you had a simple way to sort of explain it, if I asked you what you ate for dinner last night, can you tell me what you ate for dinner?

Tony Winyard 21:00

I had some some vegetables and nothing sardines. And yeah, just a combination of many different vegetables and some siding.

Unknown Speaker 21:09

So when I asked you that you saw pictures, right of what you ate, the sardines, maybe where you were when you ate it, right. That's how you stored the information about dinner last night. That because it wasn't threatening or disturbing, it was stored as a fairly routine file, not a lot of data, but enough data to store the information. If that was a threatening event, all your senses are heightened, sight, smell hearing, it's gone into a very high beta brainwave state taking in tremendous amounts of detail about that event. So what I say is it stored in high definition, high resolution. So when something activates your memory, somebody says something or you start trying to talk about an event that happened to you, you have to do exactly what you did when I asked you about what did you eat for dinner last night, you have to go into that memory to start looking at the information that activates your nervous system. And then you start feeling the emotions. And the purpose of the emotion is your mind is actually calling for an action. The purpose of fear is to escape a threat. Right? The purpose of anger is to attack a threat.

Tony Winyard 22:19

So you know, there's a lot of people, I can't remember the actual name for this, you'll know a lot of people memories are actually false, you know, so how we think something happened 2030 years ago, often that story isn't isn't true. So does that make a difference? Whether they're actually miss remembering something? Or does that make no difference,

Unknown Speaker 22:39

it doesn't really make a difference. So because if they think it's real, their minds responding to it. So either way, I can still get the mind to reset that. So what I do is when they take you through the process, in that two or three minutes, the mind is in that restorative mindset, it can actually reprocess that data into the same format as to what you ate for dinner last night. takes a lot of that intensity out of it. So then when I asked you to go back, and then take a look at that information again, all of a sudden, that doesn't feel there's no response. Right? So I worked with a US Army sniper who had to shoot and kill a 12 year old boy. And he was just sobbing. Before we started, he said, I just can't live like this anymore. I can't stop thinking about it every day. And by the time I was finished, he could give me a complete description of the event that day without crying and said to me says, How did you do that? And I said, I haven't done anything I said your mind for eight years has been trying to get you not to pull the trigger. Thought you were shooting the 12 year old boy now when you were starting to look at that memory. And what do they do in traditional therapy? Let's talk about it. So they keep reinforcing it.

Unknown Speaker 23:54

We hope you're enjoying this episode of the habits and health podcast where we believe creating healthy habits should be easy. If you're looking for the fastest and most effective way to transform your energy and wellbeing, we invite you to join Tony for an upcoming habits and health workshop. This five week group workshop will empower you with tools to disrupt unwanted habits and make positive changes easy. You'll enjoy sound asleep, better energy, less stress and a happier mood workshops begin on the first week of every month, then you can sign up now at Tonywinyard.com. Now back to the show.

Tony Winyard 24:37

One of the things that comes to mind when you were describing that is there was a period I got quite into the memory what was it called called mem memory athletes they do these memory palaces and where they're remembering huge chunks of information. It could be you know the sequence of a shuffled playing cards and your you could remember the whole pack In so 40 seconds or whatever the number might be, or you remember, the first 1000 digits, or pi, and all that sort of thing. And one of the ways that I know a memory palace works is you have to everything that you're trying to remember has to be really vivid, if it's mundane in any way that the mind is not going to remember it. So it has to be like, a massive purple cow, for example, or, or, you know, it's Seth Godin, Seth Godin talks about the purple cow. But yeah, it is. Everything has to be huge or set in some way memorable. It's like when you we often remember things about when we went on holiday, because that was different from the norm. But if I asked the average person what they had for dinner four weeks ago, no chance I have no clue.

Unknown Speaker 25:44

Yep. Yep. And that's exactly what I was talking about is that when it becomes brighter and more intense, you took in more data, right. And so because it's so intense, then that's when the mind now, if you were calling playing cards, that's not going to be threatening. So chances are, you're not going to get a kind of a response from a fight or flight response, you're just going to be able to remember because it is brighter and more intention took in more data. If that was a threatening event, though, your mind would be responding to it because it's designed to keep you alive. So it would then go into a survival threat. Right? And that would be different.

Tony Winyard 26:24

sounds fascinating, any? I mean, one of the things that is really amazing is how quick it's able you're able to do this. So it sounds like we've we've everyone, it's just one session, and then one session.

Unknown Speaker 26:39

Yeah, very, very rarely do I have to have somebody come back, sometimes the memory. So for example, they've had some really big traumatic memories, right, we get those resolved, and then something that had no association with any of those kinds of threats. Now, that was way down, that was not really brought up very often may pop up. And it didn't get a connection to that. But what we also do is we have them also go through a series of audios that they listened to for 30 days after the four hour session. And that's to reinforce the session. So generally it picks up other things that maybe didn't get picked up right away. That's sort of the idea behind it.

Tony Winyard 27:20

So I mean, you mentioned that this works for trauma. So would this also work for phobias?

Unknown Speaker 27:25

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Because again, a phobia is coming from a memory. Right? So they experienced something. So I had a lady that she's she was actually I was in a group with people. And I was talking about this, and I was demonstrating it with some people. And she says, Why have a fear of snakes? As she says, with this helped me with the fear of snakes. So I brought her up, I took her through the technique, and she was able to get over a phobia of snakes. Wow. Yeah. Because again, what's happening is, is that the mind is going into the memory of that snake and seeing it in real time. So it thinks the snake is about to attack you, right, or whatever it is a snake could hurt you. So if your mind thinks that there's a threat, doesn't make sense that it would respond to it.

Tony Winyard 28:13

And one of the things that's coming to mind now is there was a about 10 years ago, there was a very famous football player in in England, he was he was a Dutch football player named Dennis Bergkamp. And he was one of the best players in the world. And he had a phobia of flying. And so whenever his team were playing in various countries in Europe, he would never get on a plane and go to those countries. If he was able to go by train to the contrary, he would go, but he would never fly. And this guy was being paid millions of pounds and see what he would if it could have been that if he could have been treated, you think that you know, he would have got it treated, but for whatever reason,

Unknown Speaker 28:50

may not have known you know what to do. Or maybe he just didn't meet the right people. But yeah, I've seen, you know, a number of those kinds of things. I had a lady who came in, she had had really bad sexual abuse as a child. And we only were I only worked on about three events. Jet, sometimes I'll be two, sometimes four, but generally three is my average. So we finished three different events that you've experienced. And again, just a couple minutes on each one. She says to me should Well, we're going to be here all night, because I have a lot of these. So we don't need to do anymore. I said once we now got this process started, your brain now takes this process and we'll start applying it. So when you go to sleep at night, you go into a theta brainwave state, and then theta, your mind processes. So it's going to process what it learned here today and process it to any other event. Then she says, even events we haven't talked about nice is correct. And she says, okay, so I met her at a store just by chance about a month later and she came up to me and she says, I got to share something with you. She said there was no question that those three events that We did, right, we cleared, she says, I went home and for the first time, I was able to talk to my husband about them without crying. She said I was able to share that should have never been able to do that. So she says 100%, I was told that it worked. She said, but I'll be honest with you, when you told me my mind would clear the other ones. She goes, I didn't believe you. She said, but I was at Universal Studios with my daughter, and my husband. And I was riding on the escalator, going up the escalator and I was looking over the railing. And my daughter said, Mom, look at what you're doing. She says, I never told you I had a fear of heights. And it's gone. We never even discussed it. So she says that's when I realised that it had to be doing it for everything else. Because if we didn't even discuss that event, or discuss anything about that fear, whatever event created, that fear also got updated in that process.

Tony Winyard 30:54

A lot of trauma can show up in many different ways for different people. So if someone's may be listening to this, and they maybe have some sort of health issues, but then they might not know what is the cause of those issues. is and that could often the cause could be something traumatic that happened to them many years ago. Would that be worth someone investigating with someone like yourself? If someone's got an issue, and they don't know what it is? It's causing?

Unknown Speaker 31:22

Sure, because a lot of times, we don't. That's what my second book that I wrote, I called emotional concussions just for that reason, because obviously big t traumas obvious, you know, if we know there's a big event, right, they created trauma, those are obvious, but there's also what I called emotional concussions. And that's when we get bumped. You know, maybe as a child, the teacher that told you you were stupid, you know, or a parent who constantly criticised you, right? You just never felt like you measured up. Right? It could it come from a single event or series of events, because children don't have enough life experience to interpret the world they're living in. So I have a great example of a lady. She said to me, I've never had any trauma. I had a very good childhood, everything seems to be fine. And so I said, Can you think about any kind of an event? That would be disturbing? Like that would have been upsetting? If you think back to it? And she had to really think about it. She says, okay, she's I have one. She says, I was about six years old. And she says, I was in church with my family. And I can see her eyes starting to water as she's going over this memory. And she says, and I started to talk, and, and then I see the tears come in, and she says, My grandmother took the brush, her hair brush, and she hit me on the head and said, Stop talking, you're in church. And she said, and then the waterworks came, she started to sob and she says, I just realised I lost my voice that day. I never stick up for myself, everybody, you know, can push me around, she goes, I just realised that's when I lost my voice. That had never occurred to her. That why she never would be assertive or stand up for herself. And that really got because a six year old was told we don't want to hear you. Hmm. Now, it's hard to believe that something like that can do that. Was your grandmother intentionally trying to do that? Or try to hurt her? Absolutely not. Right. So even with the best of intentions, a parent can say something that they don't and don't realise that their child Miss Miss understood. Yeah. My wife is another good example. She told me about a story this before the programme, I remember her telling me the story. She said that she was when she was about the same age about six. And she's now living in a traumatic household on top of this, but some of the mothers in the neighbourhood had a little tea party for the girl for the girls in the neighbourhood. So her grandmother dressed her up really pretty in a nice little dress with her hair. And she went to the Tea Party. And the mothers who were sitting in the front when she came walking in, one of the mothers said, Oh, look at this one. She's gonna be a real Heartbreaker when she grows up. And the other women were saying, Oh, yeah, that's a real Heartbreaker there. Now they're trying to say something positive for her. What my wife heard is that they see that I'm a bad person. But she was crying. She went home. Her stomach was sick. She just left she when she got a chance. She just got out of there and left. Because in her mind, they saw something. Right. And she's already living in that kind of a world where she wasn't feeling good about herself because of what she was living in. And now she's realising these women sought to Amazing, right?

Tony Winyard 34:52

Yeah. And something that comes to mind is what as I'm wondering now about things like imposter syndrome, whether they're That could be based in something traumatic or like some of the examples you just go.

Unknown Speaker 35:06

They do. That's where it comes from. Again, it can come down to, you know, somebody told you that you're not really good enough, right? And then you end up making it in the field and a field. And all of a sudden, it's like, you know, well, people are gonna eventually figure me out, they're gonna realise that I'm not good enough, right? I'm not smart enough that imposter syndrome can show up. It can show up in multiple ways, too. I had a lady who had had really bad sexual abuse, again, as a child, and she was a coach for women, she held retreats, and she says, I never share my abuse. She goes, I feel like an imposter. She says, I feel like I'm a fake. I hear all these women that I'm counselling and coaching. And she says, but if I tried to share what happened, you know what, in my childhood, she says, I break down. She's, I couldn't do it. So I avoid it. But she says, but it makes me feel like I'm fake. Anyway, the good news is after she went to the programme I saw about three months later, and she told me about a retreat. She says, she'd love to share this with you. She says, I was at a retreat I was holding. And she says, I was about 15 minutes into this one particular event that I was holding. And she says, and I realised I just shared some of my childhood trauma. I didn't even realise I had done it. It was almost like, Oh, my God, look what I just did. Right? She says, that made me a better coach.

Tony Winyard 36:36

What about if, if someone has something like imposter syndrome, but they don't they were completely unaware of what was the cause? And incident? Would you be able to help in that situation?

Unknown Speaker 36:47

Yeah, because we just go back to another event or something that happened earlier. Like I said, once we sometime we may pick it up. But even if we don't pick it up, if we pick up other types of events, that could have maybe not had to do with being an imposter, like the lady who had the fear of heights, we didn't talk about that one. Mobile, we worked on other ones, our arm, our brains, our minds, and our bodies are designed to heal. All I'm doing is helping take the blocks out of the healing process. So as soon as we get those blocks out of the way, the mind starts that restorative process. And it's designed to do that. Hmm.

Tony Winyard 37:26

You mentioned about the your second book. So tell me about your Well, you just got two books, how many books?

Unknown Speaker 37:32

Yeah, two books, I'm working on the third book. The third book is actually my wife and I together, really talking about just what we were sharing about how with parents, the kinds of words the way you're raising your child. And I'm not saying that I got it right all the time, either, because I certainly, you know, I chose to live in a very good home, right. But there was some things along the way that when I look back on now, now, knowing what we do with our programme, I certainly would have changed the way I would have done that, had I known that information. So we're gonna write a book on that just sort of talking about the things that you should be aware of as a parent, with the best of intentions, on how you can then create an emotional concussion without even knowing you're doing it. So that's what the book is going to be on is how to communicate how to talk that kind of, of a book, my first book was called you must be out of your mind. And that was, I wrote that, basically, to talk about the programme and how I developed it, we've got to get you out of your mind by sort of a funny title.

Tony Winyard 38:37

When was that book? How long ago was that?

Unknown Speaker 38:40

I think I wrote that, but four or five years ago, and then the second emotional concussions came out about two years ago. And this one, I probably will have out by the end of the year, I don't have a title for it yet. But there'll be more almost like it's the manual that you wanted when your child was born, that you never got.

Tony Winyard 38:59

So if someone's listening to this, and and liking what you're saying, what would they get from those two books that you've released so far? What would they how would the first one help them? Or how would the second one help them?

Unknown Speaker 39:13

The first one would help them understand the programme. And because a lot of times people will read that book and say, Oh, that was me, when you talk about your wife, and you're talking about your daughter, and I tell stories in there about different people, you know, and what they experienced and how we help them in, people see themselves in those, you know, those people just like a regular book would write. So we identify with the characters in the book. So that's really why that book is really good. The second book is really dealing more with the kinds of things that developed because of those things. So are you the kind of person who procrastinates all the time, if you do, there's a reason why you procrastinate, that's coming from an experience. Or maybe you're the kind of person that blames everybody when something goes wrong. And that coming again from an emotional concussions somewhere earlier in your life that maybe you got criticised all the time. So I give 10 examples of 10 kinds of emotional concussions, that the symptoms of them, and where those could occur from.

Tony Winyard 40:16

Fascinating. And then the third one is going to be more parents and sort of along those lines,

Unknown Speaker 40:22

yeah, how, you know, like I said, what children are actually hearing, and what how they're experiencing the world. And so and what you could do to improve the way that you raise your child. So just little tips. And again, it just comes down to sometimes those little simple things, right, that you may not have thought about, or our anger gets the better of us and, and so we can say the wrong thing, or we use terminology that we're used to. You know, an example of I had a lady who was so angry at her stepfather, because when she was six years old, her father wanted to meet her and never met her. So the stepfather said something to her about, he wants to meet you. But what she heard him say was that you were a mistake. And she had a terrible relationship with her stepfather. Even though her, her brother and sister loved him. She never had a very good relationship, and it came back to that event. So as a six year old, that's what she heard. Now, was he trying to say that? No, right, but there's a phrase that he used, right, that a child who's six hears, you think I'm a mistake, right, just like my wife heard, you know, you're gonna break people's hearts, you're a bad person, you're gonna hurt people. That's what they hear. So be very, very careful on the words. And again, they're not China dolls, but at the same time, but if you're at least aware of it, you know, and if you do that, one of the things I write in the book, if you find that you did something like that, right, sit down and talk to them about it and say, you know, what, I probably didn't choose the best words in this situation, or I let my frustration, you know, get the better of me. Right. And that doesn't mean that that was right, you know, so I want to take the time to address that with you now. Right? That is huge for children. And if somebody asked me one time, if there was one thing, that I would tell a parent, what was the most important thing for a parent, and I said, make your home safe. I grew up in a safe home. So if something happened to me during the day at school, or wherever, whenever I came home, my home was the sanctuary, and my nervous system would regulate.

Tony Winyard 42:47

And so when you say safe, what does it mean? Some people might not understand what what you mean by that.

Unknown Speaker 42:52

So, yeah, so what I mean by safe is the place where there's no screaming and yelling, there's no constant braiding, right, you've got a chance as a parent, if you don't channel that anger channel, because a lot of times they're coming in with their own emotional concussions and traumas, as a parent, trying to raise their child. So if they don't address that, and get that taken care of, they're going to just pass on some of those, you know, damages to their child. So be aware of them. And so what I mean by safe is safe doesn't mean perfect. Safe means is that, you know, we're going to get things wrong. And that's what I said is I know even as a parent, I think we did a pretty good job. But we could have done some things a little bit better. Had I known this programme, I definitely would have done things a little differently. For example, a great example was I was of the belief that as long as my kids got good grades in school, I didn't care if they if they worked or did all the chores and everything my wife was a real taskmaster that way she one of them to develop that discipline. I was more the easy go on day. Listen, you know, they're doing good in school, they got good grades, they're doing well in sports, let's not, you know, go too far. That was it. I made that mistake. They should have had more responsibility. So again, just comes from experience.

Tony Winyard 44:21

Yeah. We mentioned about your your books just just now. And one of the questions I asked most of my guests, is there, a book that has really moved you for whatever reason?

Unknown Speaker 44:33

Yeah, it was the the book that I remember reading was from Dr. Guevara matej, the realm of hungry ghosts. And in that book, that was really what I sort of said, was accurate about what I was seen in terms of trauma. So he worked a lot with the addiction community, a lot with the very, very poor people in a very poor part of the, of the city. So he saw All the pain. And that's what he talked about is he said 100% of the street workers are prostitutes in that area and all been sexually abused. They all had drug addiction issues, they all had come from very, very harsh conditions as a child, and a lot of sexual abuse. That's really, like I said, really made me understand that what I was doing was right on. And so that you see that the extreme level and the terror and the conditions he was working in, but you also see it at the very high functioning level. And so the CEOs, the executives, the moms, the dads, right, they're having the same issues, they just don't see it. He saw that the worst. But it like I said, when you met my wife, you had never understood that she had had that kind of abuse as a child.

Tony Winyard 45:57

When he gave him a myself as example with the CD collection.

Unknown Speaker 46:00

Yes. And he couldn't stop himself, you know, he would he would actually duck out, you know, from appointments to go buy something at a store. Right? Stop themselves. Alright. So yeah, fascinating. And again, there's a guy, well educated, you know, brilliant mind. And yet he's stuck in this loop. And that's what I said is, that's what I really figured out that we can fix.

Tony Winyard 46:27

Did you read his book called hold on to your kids? No, no, I didn't read that. As because as you were talking about your book that you're writing now, it made me think about that book. Hold on to your kids. He that I think you might enjoy that book. I should? Yeah, I'll definitely I'll definitely read that. And it is all about as the as the name suggests, is about why so many parents go through an issue where a certain age, you know, usually in the teenage years, there's a real disconnection between the parent and the child and why that's so often happens. It's a fascinating book.

Unknown Speaker 47:00

Yeah, there's one of the things that I'm addressing in ours, too, is, for example, one of the reasons that happens is that children never get any really independent, especially when they're younger. So some of the things that I'm suggesting that would be a good thing to do is, say, you're going to go out to dinner, or you're going to go to you know, you're doing some sort of an event that you're going to go out and you want them to wear something nice. What do we typically do? Put on that? Right? And so the child has no choice, they say, but I don't like that. What doesn't matter? Put it on? Yeah. Wouldn't it be better to lay out three outfits? Yeah. And say, which outfit Would you like to wear today? It takes them out of I have to wear this to I get a choice. You're gonna wear one of the three things you like, anyway. Right? Why not make them feel like they've got some control? Because that stops a lot of that fight for that independence when they become those teenagers. They've never had the ability to have any control. So then they really want it. You No, no other way to

Tony Winyard 48:02

get it? Because he talks about that kind of thing as well. In the book. Yeah, yeah. I think you'll enjoy your enjoy that book.

Unknown Speaker 48:08

Yeah, definitely. I'd like to read that. But it's that kind of thing. You know, same kind of thing where you want to get their homework done. So yeah, I've ever read the marshmallow test. You read that book?

Tony Winyard 48:18

Well, and is being updated, isn't it recently? I haven't heard that as a Yeah, there was there's something called the reap reproducibility project, where they they've done reap, try to reproduce many famous experiment experiments from the last few decades. And they found that the marshmallow test wasn't reproducible, in different situations and different circumstances with different types of people and cultures and so on.

Unknown Speaker 48:45

Well, that would make sense. I agree with that. Yeah. But you know, based on on the average, I think the idea was to sort of say, you know, people do I know? No, you asked about a quote, I can't say you know exactly what the quote was, but it was about Walt Disney. He says, If you give people the chance to reach up they will. Right. So he, he always tried to raise the bar so that they wanted to reach up for something. And so I think the same kind of thing, if you give people the opportunity to challenge themselves or to or to reach up to to improve themselves, I think they will rise to that occasion. But again, you can see in some, you could do that same thing, in a different situation. They've just been so beaten down, they can't do it.

Tony Winyard 49:29

If people I mean, I'm sure there's a number of listeners at the moment are saying and probably screaming out. Sony just asked the guy how we can find out about this course because we want to find out more about this where where should they go?

Unknown Speaker 49:41

Yeah, if you go to WWW dot get GE t tip ti pp.com. And then if you write slash habits, I think for your listeners we would do in a special promotion for them. So they'll get a think. I think a chapter in the book have emotional concussions, they can download that so and get at least a little bit of an idea on, on what we do. And but I think they also get a discount off of the either online programme or the one on one personal programme with me. Oh, thank

Tony Winyard 50:15

you for that. Okay, so we said that will obviously that link will be in the show notes as well. And is there? Are you active on social media at all?

Unknown Speaker 50:22

Yeah, so we have, I have a LinkedIn page, I have Facebook, we have our, our inspired performance Institute. So you can also go to that. And so I've got Dr. donwood, PhD. So you can go to that. And we have a lot of our stuff up there. I encourage you to check out the testimonials because that's one thing that people say is, they'll see a testimonial from somebody that relates to what they've experienced. Like I said, we've got such a cross section, you know, from moms, to athletes, to CEOs, you know, all across the board of people who had life changing experiences after going through the programme.

Tony Winyard 51:01

Well, to finish on, I normally ask about the quote, but you've given a quote just now so it wasn't verbatim, but it was close. Instead, I'm gonna ask you what, what is it the you're most passionate about? You have something like music or theatre or what is it that really gets you emotions come?

Unknown Speaker 51:21

sports, I love sports. I've been an athlete all my life. And so hockey was my main sport. I'm originally from Canada. That's how I got married at 19. May, I was offered a chance to play professional hockey in Sweden. So we got married very young. So but now living in Florida, I'm a golfer. So I'm very passionate about golf. So but sports in particular. But golf right now is my big sport.

Tony Winyard 51:47

with Tony, it's been a real pleasure speaking to you for the last 50 minutes or so. Thank you for your time flew

Unknown Speaker 51:57

by appreciate the opportunity, Tony. And hopefully somebody is resonating with somebody. And the good news is is that there is help out there. You don't have to live and manage and cope with it.

Tony Winyard 52:08

you fix it. Yeah, and I certainly hope someone listening that they are do get some help. Thank you. Great, thank you. Next week, Episode 28 with Joe Uff, she is an NLP master practitioner and coach who is passionate about the importance of psychological wellbeing and dedicated time to working with women and empowering them to strengthen a positive mindset and well being. Through coaching Jo helps them to work towards the outcomes they want to achieve or overcome challenges that they face in in different aspects of their personal and professional lives. So that's next week, episode 28 with Joe Uff. Hope you've enjoyed this week's show and wishing you a great week ahead.

Jingle 53:00

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Transcribed by https://otter.ai