Habits & Health episode 65 with Suzanne Culberg, a mindset coach who transforms bodies and minds. She asks you to consider, what if you overeat because you over give?
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Habits and health episode 65. Welcome to the habits and health podcast where we believe creating healthy habits should be easy. Brought to you by an educator and coach for anyone who wants to create a healthier life. Here’s your host, Tony Winyard.
Tony Winyard 0:19
Welcome back to habits and health podcast, where we give you ideas for new behaviours that will help improve your health. Today’s guests, Suzanne Culberg, who is a mindset coach who transforms bodies and minds. She’s also a speaker, and an author of the book. The beginning is …. In today’s episode, we talk about people gaining weight and why people overeat. And she she has a real passion for helping women and it’s fueled by her own weight loss weight loss journey where she went from 150 kilogrammes to 72 kilogrammes, which is where she is now. So that’s coming up today’s episode with Suzanne Culberg. If you do enjoy this episode, and you know someone who would really benefit from some of our Suzanne’s wisdom, please do share the episode with them. And hope you enjoy today’s show. How it’s unhealth My guest today is Suzanne Culberg, how are you?
Suzanne Culberg 1:20
I’m going great, Tony.
Tony Winyard 1:23
You’re the other side of the world for me.
Suzanne Culberg 1:25
I certainly am. It’s the future here. It’s looking bright.
Tony Winyard 1:30
And so what time is it for you?
Suzanne Culberg 1:31
It’s seven o’clock in the evening. Ah, okay.
Tony Winyard 1:35
I always get mixed up. When the clocks, keep going backwards and forwards. And sometimes it seems like Sydney is 12 hours ahead of us. And other times it’s…
Suzanne Culberg 1:44
Yeah. So it depends on daylight savings, because when you guys fall back, we spring forward and vice versa. So we don’t line up, or we end up being further apart and then closer together. Oh, yeah.
Tony Winyard 1:55
So what am I so as I just mentioned to you’re in Sydney, are you from Sydney?
Suzanne Culberg 1:59
No, actually, I’m from Tasmania. Do you know where that is? Okay, so on the bottom isn’t it is the tiny little island that almost always gets left off the map. So if you see a map of Australia and Tasmania is on it, we always celebrate well, like yes, we will remain remembered.
Tony Winyard 2:13
We will know the devil as well. Yes. So I
Suzanne Culberg 2:15
get this asked this question a lot like is it has the devil real? I’m like, yes. But unfortunately, it doesn’t spin Looney Tunes has, you know, done a misstep? There
Tony Winyard 2:24
must have been quite disillusioning when you found out it didn’t spring.
Suzanne Culberg 2:27
Oh, I know. I’ve known because I grew up there. But people who speak to me about it. I’m always fascinated by the Tassie devil.
Tony Winyard 2:34
So Suzanne, what is it that you do?
Suzanne Culberg 2:38
It’s a great question, Tony. What do I do this week. So currently, I am a mindset coach for over givers for people who give too much help to others at the expense of themselves. And they end up exhausted burnt out. resentful, though they may not admit it, and in some way they over consume. So the main entry point into that has been food. So there it is. And that’s my personal background. But as I’ve been doing this work for the last five years, I’ve realised that it’s expanded into over shopping like overspending, overworking, over drinking, and I believe for me personally, this has been my yo yo dieting history, because when I stopped over eating, I over consumed in another form. So I wasn’t actually addressing what was going on underneath. And I’m also a healer. So I have a little bit of Whoo, and an author.
Tony Winyard 3:35
How did this all come about? What led you to what it is you’re doing now?
Suzanne Culberg 3:40
Oh, that’s a great question. So originally, I was going to be a doctor, I’ve been to medical school, I left in my fifth year, five years of six. Which offer fascinates people because like you’re so close, but when you finish when you graduate from med school, you do an intern year, and then residency for usually at least three years and then registrar training for another decade. So it’s another 13 years before you’re a consultant and done and even then you never done. And at the time that I was in fifth year, I had just lost 43 kilos. So I think you guys might measure in stone. I don’t know what that is. It’s nearly 100 pounds. So I’d lost all this weight. And I’d been I’d struggled with my weight since I was four. My parents put me on my first diet at four. That’s a story. That’s a whole other story. But I was like I found the answer. It’s personal training exercise. This is the thing. So I left medical school to train as a personal trainer to the like, I horrified my parents and to this day, they’re like, when are you going to finish being a doctor? But anyway, I digress. It’s been 20 years now mom, dad get over it. So I did personal training for a while. And then my husband and I moved from Tasmania where I was saying we were at the beginning up the top to Queensland. So the Sunshine State and I regained all of the Light and interest. And there was a lot to do with that story moving away from home shifting work, like all this stuff. But at the end of the day, there’s no passive eating like this passive smoking, I did it. And I ended up doing Diploma of education, I thought I was gonna be a teacher, because I’m, I don’t sit still for long. And then teaching wasn’t for me. So then I got a government job. And I worked at that for a number of years. I lost 60 kilos. So I was like, yes, that I feel pregnant. And with my first child regained 40 of those kilos, then I keep kept gaining, I didn’t lose any of the baby weight, and had another child. And then I was bigger than ever. And I was like, I cannot dye it again, I cannot force myself to do all these things that make me feel miserable. And I like there must be another way. And so I ended up my husband was I don’t know if you guys call it that over there, but drive in drive out. So he didn’t actually work from home, he worked a distance away. So he’d leave on Monday, come back Friday. And so I didn’t want to go back to the government job. So I ended up being for a spiel and executive system like a VA, but I’m not very techy, so more writing and emails and customer support, because that’s what I’ve done for the government. And in that time, I came across NLP, like neuro linguistic programming and mindset. And I went on this total journey of this kind of thing. I started a Facebook page documenting my weight. I released 78 kilogrammes. So this time, 171 pounds. And people were like, can I work with you? And I was like, huh, so they’re trying to be a coach. So it’s a very long winded way to where I am now. And I’ve been doing this this is my fifth year. Yes.
Tony Winyard 6:43
You mentioned it where you managed to lose a lot of weight, and it came back and you lost and came back… So was it the NLP that was the final thing that helped you to lose it and maintain that?
Suzanne Culberg 6:56
It was it was a factor I did that amongst other things, like part of it, I honestly believe it was like, for those of us who are yo yo dieters, we will always say, Well, it’s a very fundamental word always, but I’m never going to dye it again. And they’re saying it, and then there’s really meaning it. And I got to this point where I was like, I would rather be fat for ever than to do this. Yo, yo, because people look at the physical weight journey. And when people say, Oh, I’m worried about you, like, I’m worried about your weight. That’s the physical weight. But the mental and emotional toll of of going on and off a diet and forcing yourself and depriving yourself nobody talks to that. And so when I found coaching, it was actually funny because my first NLP coach, being the people pleaser that I used to be when they explaining things like, Do you see the dots? I just say, Aha, because I didn’t say anything. So my first experience and my first into NLP wasn’t that great. And I was like, No, it’s just a waste of a big ticket item of money. And then I found another coach. So I think like, I’ve got a bunch of coaching certifications. Now NLP being one of them, but I don’t actually leave with any of them. Because it’s the person the rapport and the connection. So mindset coaching or coaching in general, definitely, because having that person who 100% has your back listens to you every week wants the best for you. But it’s going to call you on your BS is, I think, fundamental for lasting change.
Tony Winyard 8:38
You said, NLP was a factor. But maybe the biggest factor was the change in your mindset?
Suzanne Culberg 8:45
I think. So it’s that kind of, because when you’re like, when you when you truly give up, it’s like the breakdown before the break through. And food honestly, and people don’t believe this is something I think you have to experience. When you’re like, I’m never going to do this again. And you eat McDonald’s or a whole bunch of chocolate or you know, name your poison, and you feel sick. And you actually listen to your body and you’re like, how does this make me feel I feel tired, I feel sluggish, and you’re not eating it because I’ve got to eat it all now. Because tomorrow, I’ll never be able to have it again. You’re like, I could eat this every single day if I wanted to. And there’s not like I’m going to eat all the things now that I can’t have later. There’s that honestly, like, it really loses its appeal. And it’s kind of like this is not this is not fun. This is not pleasant. And it’s not to say I became a Buddhist breatharian on a mountain and never ate bad stuff again. I still have moments, but it’s kind of like what are these? Where am I not looking after myself? Where am I not prioritising yourself seeing that as a signal slowdown? Sue’s something’s happening, as opposed to I’m a failure and I can’t get it together. And I think that’s the shift because We often think we’re broken because we can’t control our eating. But for me, it’s a tell that something else is happening, rather than I’m a failure because I still have moments where food is, is more enticing than it should be.
Tony Winyard 10:17
Everything is so connected. So once you’ve kind of corrected, it’s not the right word, but it’s the only word that’s come to mind where you’ve managed to maintain your weight. And then that’s improved your self esteem. And there’s probably a whole load of knock ons from that, that put you in a much better place as well.
Suzanne Culberg 10:35
Yes, and it’s interesting. The self esteem did improve, but not initially, it’s funny, I always thought and many of the clients I work with, once I lose weight, then I’ll be happy, like, why the weight is the problem. Once the weight is gone, then life will be magic. But there’s always going to be problems in life, they’re just different. So the shift you have in your relationship with your family, like I was always the fat sister, I don’t mean that in a judgmental way. I was just the fat sister, the fat friend. And when I was no longer that some relationships thrived, and and that, but other relationships, the dynamic changes, and like your identity is tied to your appearance. Well, it was for me, and then when you don’t have that anymore, like, before, I couldn’t do things, I couldn’t go on a roller coaster because I was physically too large. And then having to face the things that I because I don’t want to. And that to be able to speak up and say like, No, I don’t want to do this, rather than I can’t. And not having the fat as an excuse was sounds. So like, oh, you know, like, you know, the Poor Little Rich Girl story or pull on the skinny girl or, you know, health or whatever, however you want to frame it. But it’s like, wow, this is something I’ve never had to handle before.
Tony Winyard 12:00
You mentioned that you’ve done these various coaching certifications. And so do you work with a certain type of person? Or is it like a wide range of people that are coming to you?
Suzanne Culberg 12:13
It’s a wide range. But underlying it all I work with, you know, people pleasers, martyrs, people who say yes to everybody else, but themselves and underlying it, that they’re really looking for community and that feeling of belonging, because so many of us were really good at fitting in, we’re like, how does this scenario work? And we’re really hyper vigilant in places because I don’t want to say the wrong thing. And the support I help people build is to uncover who they are. Because people often say, Oh, you’ve changed. And I like to say, I didn’t change, I just became more me. I didn’t know who I was before. So offering a space where we come from all over the globe. And we speak in different ways. And we have different words for things, and not being like, Okay, this is the vernacular here, you have to speak like this. But opening up and exploring and expanding and knowing that whatever you have going on, it’s okay, and unpacking. Why do you do the things that don’t serve you? So like, in my dieting history, you go somewhere and be like, I’m a bad person, because I had McDonald’s or. And it’s like, what drove to that what we really hungry for and what were you because often we say, we say yes, all the time to everybody without checking in with ourselves. And because we don’t want to say no, we will be shunned. And when you think about it, like historically, if you’re tribal and stuff, you had your role, and you did that. And if you said no, you might get cast out. And I think we have a lot of that still like in our epigenetics, generationally. So how to feel safe in a space. So you can start to bring that in other areas of your life.
Tony Winyard 13:53
That reminds me of something, what you just said is something I was thinking about couple of weeks ago, and there’s a lot of people they give too much. And it it can get to a point where it’s very detrimental, and it’s actually hurting them, but it’s part of their nature. And then when they have the awareness or maybe someone helps them to realise that they are just giving too much. And then they try to correct it and then stop giving and then that hurts who they are because there is a part of them that actually enjoys to give. And it seems to me their needs. Rather than just stopping giving, they need to find that balance where they can give, but not just so much where it just completely depletes them of energy and so on.
Suzanne Culberg 14:37
The difference between over giving and being generous. So like, and the generous is from a place of as cliche as it sounds, your cup being full. But you know when you’re and this is something I work with people to learn the distinction. So if someone says to me, hey Suze, can you do this? And I want to Yeah, let’s go. Or like say for example, We live on the opposite side of the globe. But say for example, you’re like Suze, can you help me move house on Saturday at 8am? I believe Pacific, but sometimes people like that. And I’ll be like, Oh, Tony, I’m, I’ve got stuff on, I can be there Sunday at 12. And you’re like, all the movies are gonna come, the over giver in me would be like, I need to cancel my plans and rescue Tony. Not that like, Oh, hello, Tony could ask somebody else. When it’s generous, and it’s like, this is what I have available. You know, I’m one of the most generous people that I know. But when it goes into over giving, that’s when it’s at your detriment and knowing like, also to being attached to the outcome when it’s over, over giving. It’s like, I’ve done this for you, like you should be happy. Like, we wouldn’t necessarily say it like that. But we can have this thing like after all I’ve done for you. When that thought comes into my mind. It’s like, Oh, hello, where am I over giving here? So it’s learning that difference. And then knowing there’s a difference between understanding and putting into practice, because we can understand this conceptually. Like, I just need to be able to say no, but then learning how to say that because it can be really scary, because there could be pushback, it could be like ejected from the community, and really actually finding that people admire boundaries. Brene Brown, I love her work. But she says clear is kind. And it’s so true, because sometimes we tried to be really helpful, but we’re really unclear. And people aren’t sure. So they ask, and then we say yes, but it’s disgruntled. But if we said no, to just go and ask someone else, we’re not like the arbiter of them, that they’re left stranded on an island without us. So it’s feeling into? Where is the Yes, coming from? Is it a? Yes, let’s go? Or is it a are like, I’m going to rearrange my schedule for you.
Tony Winyard 16:47
So how does someone who is an over giver? Well, first, if they do realise they are an over giver? Because many people don’t realise that? If they if even if they do realise that they have a tendency to do that? How would they be able to have the awareness of when they’re starting to give too much? How would you help someone in that situation?
Suzanne Culberg 17:10
That’s a great question. In the case of the people, I work with what tends to happen. So I love how you do breath work, because I can talk about like paired states, and you’ll kind of get it giving and receiving are paired like inhaling and exhaling, you cannot continue to exhale without eventually having to inhale it’s impossible. So when with over givers, people, they, they think that they don’t get anything back. And they often are very, in the beginning difficult to receive, like, if you give them a compliment, I love your jumper or this whole thing. Or you did such a good job. Oh, I rambled like it. You just you walk around.
Tony Winyard 17:47
You’ve just described everyone in Britain.
Suzanne Culberg 17:50
But the thing is, what I highlight to people is, How disappointing is it when you are trying to give to someone and they don’t receive well, like have you ever plan to gift being really excited, being like, oh my gosh, this is gonna be amazing. I handed it to them, had them unwrap it and being like I shouldn’t have and then kind of pushing it away. And it’s horrifying, or you spent too much money because they can’t receive and they feel really guilty. And then you’re you can kind of feel like well, that’s that’s it’s funny what led me on this whole journey of learning. This is actually becoming a mother, my son is the best receiver I have ever seen. Where you take him anywhere that kid get stuff, people give him things like we go into a florist a couple of weeks ago, he was admiring the flowers. I was like don’t touch. This lady made him a bouquet. And I’m like, Oh my gosh, how much is this gonna cost? Like I don’t, she just gave it to him. And he’s like, I just get stuff. Anyway, back to the question. It’s because giving and receiving are paired there in flow, like inhaling exhaling, the matching for over giving, is over consuming. So we tend to beat ourselves up and go, I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I stay up all night watching Netflix, or we do the trifecta, you binge Netflix while you eat the chips, and you scroll and play Candy Crush. So that’s you’re receiving because you’re over consuming on these things that aren’t serving you and that you don’t want to do. And then what you end up saying to yourself is I just need a plan. I need a productivity tool, I need to find the right calendar. And so we’re looking at finding the right plan instead of like the intervention point for over giving is not finding the right system shedule plan or whatever it’s like where do I actually need to do less and start to say no in a way that feels good. So that when I can say no to others, I can say yes to me, because how often do we buy a coat, buy a course hire a coach do something and then we’re like it’s gonna be the thing. Yes. And then it’s not the thing because someone’s like, could you just and you drop all your things and your veggies are wilting in the fridge and you just grab cheap and cheerful because it’s easier and you Like I started on Monday, the universal day to change your life.
Tony Winyard 20:05
You talk today about the link between over giving and over consuming. And so, and I presume that it’s the same for over consumption or whatever, whether it be food or alcohol or
Suzanne Culberg 20:18
work, and people don’t understand work and even exercise that people often laugh at exercise and what I didn’t say at the beginning, by the time I lost the 60 kilos, I injured my back in a personal training incident, that’s a lifelong injury now. Because I became over exercising, I was exercising for four hours a day. And for some people, like if you’re Olympian or a sportsman or something, yes, that could be healthy. But in my case, it was unhealthy. It was my over consuming through movement.
Tony Winyard 20:47
Is it the same for no matter what the overconsumption is? Is it the same approach to correct it, or is it slightly different depending on it’s pretty
Suzanne Culberg 20:55
much the same, it would be looking at the energy of underneath, because the other thing that people can do is that they can just swap it out. Like I know, for me, I went from over eating, to overspending to over exercising back to over eating, like, it’s just like moving it around. And I call this the thing that we’re avoiding the void, like the Void is where we’re unsure, or we’re uncertain, or we’re not, we’re not taught, I believe, especially in Western societies, to process our emotions, like we’re like, I feel bad. I need to stop this eat sharp drink, whatever it is, so that I don’t feel this. So it’s like teaching people to reconnect with their feelings, and the ebb and the flow and processing it. So an emotion is energy in motion, it moves through our body, rather than energy stuck, that we then numb or Buffer without over consuming. So it’s like, Oh, what is it that I’m actually feeling and realising that we don’t have to unpack and live there. And it can actually move through us a lot faster when we identify it, and processor.
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Tony Winyard 22:26
People or youngsters who are maybe in their late teens, early 20s are still you know, their brains still developing. And they won’t often listen to, certainly their parents and people older than them. And so those who don’t always take the good advice, they’re often given, because they are still developing. So I wonder, one of the things I was thinking of is, if you were to go back and talk to your younger self, but I wonder if your 20, 18 year old self, whatever would listen to the advice that you would give them?
Suzanne Culberg 23:00
It’s a great question, because people often ask if I could go back in time, what advice would I give? And I’d actually be something like you’ve got this because, you know, we do. And I think for any sort of thing we can be told and we feel Yeah, I know that. And then we experience it. And we’re like, Oh, I know that. So there’s a difference between telling and modelling. Like my children haven’t reached the teenage years yet, but I’m sure we’ll have our own adventures when we get there. But even with very young children, we all have anaemia, so idiopathic, so unknown cause and supplements and things that we take, saying, Take your iron supplements, I take your things, no tastes, yeah, I can drink smells like my husband, my son calls it the yucky juice, when we laugh about it. I just started taking it myself like and then they see and then they want to do it too. So learning by modelling rather than saying you should do this, because and giving them that experience and even like when I started movement, like exercise, I shy away from the term exercise now because I think exercise, shut up. But I do enjoy movement. I started going to the gym and putting my kids in the crash because my husband was away and seeing their sad little faces like their mom guilt was a big thing because I’m saying no to them, you know, and yes to me, but after a little while, and it wasn’t that long, even at a young age. They know that I was happier. And when I’m happier, our life is happier. And even like when we as we record this on the tail end of all the lockdowns and all the stuff that’s happened. My kids are often like, Oh, Mommy needs to go to the gym. Because we couldn’t because I know that when I do that, then I feel better. So you know in terms of over giving and in terms of things, some things are experiential, but we can model rather than saying because you know, no one does what we say and even with coaching like true coaching, I don’t have Have a here’s the 12 steps. So here is the the framework or here’s the method. I have, like this outline of what we’ve been discussing and feeling emotions and leaning into them, and where are we over giving and that sort of stuff. But people exploring it on their own, rather than this is how it’s set up. Because it’s like, well, I’ve done that. And I’m still you know, it’s kind of a unpacking
Tony Winyard 25:25
something you mentioned earlier was that one thing that you’ve learned to do when when coaching with people and I think you will be referring to you having your own coach is calling people out on their on their BS. So if you are working with someone who you’ve given them, maybe you’ve helped them find some solutions for their overeating, or over consuming or whatever it might be. And they keep coming back each week with excuses why they’re not able to resist the cravings for this or that. How, because there’s a fine line between calling someone out on their BS and trying to help them if they are oversensitive, or whatever the case may be. How do you treat that?
Suzanne Culberg 26:07
My clients call me the velvet hammer. So equal parts loving, but very direct. And it’s, it’s always from a place of love. I always preface it with like, I I’m not attached to what you do or don’t do, because that’s the thing. When I’m in my over giving mode, everybody has to be saved. My rescue is coming out. And it’s kind of like, oh, hang on, rein that back in. But like I heard, I’m watching my programme currently have a lot of people repeating and the new people. And we’re having discussion yesterday on the like the, the webinar leading into it, the masterclass. And somebody was saying, because I was saying in everything where you fail, like me in life, if you draw a lesson from it, it’s not a failure becomes a win. So basically, I’d encourage people to look so far in 2022, what have you found out? Like, let’s get real, it’s never comfortable, but and then how can you spot the lesson? Because otherwise, how many times we’ve done something, I’m like, I’m never gonna do that again. And then a couple of weeks later, you’re like, oh, so her. She’s like, I can’t find the lesson. And I was like, let me let me have it. And she’s like, I did why wait, which is my programme? I did. Why wait, I did all the modules. I didn’t change my eating, I didn’t lose any way. And it’s interesting, because like I said, lovingly, the only way you can guarantee weight loss is liposuction. And even then it doesn’t mean it’s going to come back. There’s that you know, but the other thing is, I was curious. And with a curious question, not a judging not you should have I was like you said he that you’ve done, why weight? And you did it all? Like because that’s what you said, but you didn’t change your eating. I was like, how did you do? Why weight because we talk about the eating? Or what I call the hunger scale, like checking in, are you actually hungry? And if yes, you know, this sort of thing. And we talked about setting up our eating guidelines. I don’t like actually, I’ve changed it now to boundaries. But anyway, it’s like you creating your own, I don’t give them to them. I model mine. And then we discuss because different people have different points. Anyway, long story short, I was like, so did you actually do why weight? Or did you listen to everything? Felt like? Yeah, I understand that. Yeah, get that and power through the programme. And tell yourself you did it, but you didn’t actually make any changes. And she’s like, and then we got talking even further. And I was like, so what did you learn from why wait. And at the end of the call, like, I was crying, and she was crying, and whatever, because she was like, it doesn’t matter about my body. It’s like how I feel about myself. And that is what I want for my clients. Always, because we are so much more than a number on the scale or clothing size. I don’t weigh them in or out or anything like that. I want them to be able to take up space and asked for there needs to be bet and all this sort of stuff. And from there, sometimes people drop weight and sometimes don’t. But learning just because we listen to a podcast or read a personal development book or hire a coach like yeah, just because we’ve put money at the thing doesn’t guarantee a result. There’s a difference between investing like money and investing energy and time to do the thing.
Tony Winyard 29:16
As you’ve just shown really, it’s hard to get people to realise that they it’s more than just the time or the money.
Suzanne Culberg 29:25
That’s a lifelong skill. Like why wait is a 10 week programme. And it’s not a bootcamp, let’s go hard and see how much weight we can lose kind of thing because you’re already dreaming of the binge you’re gonna have at the end. And it’s like, there’s the before and after, what about the after the after the compound interest of that 10 weeks? I never want to contribute to the yo yo dieting phenomenon. And why wait, originally, it was a membership platform that people joined. And they did month to month, and I ran it that way for two years. But what I found is when people were finished or they were feeling complete I just kind of snuck out, they’ve just kind of like, oh, it’s awkward leave, there was no celebration, there was no graduation. And then or they stay too long. And what should have been like a graduation kind of became a divorce where it got awkward and whatever. So now I’ve re purposed it and for the last year have run it as 10 week rounds. Where we start together, then we take the action, and then we harvest and celebrate all the successes. And then we take a winter, so a break between rounds, and people can come back or they can sit out and it’s totally up to them. But not for the energy of like, let’s haul for 10 weeks and busted out. But like what are we going to focus on I call why wait kind of like a library is in there’s all these resources, there’s resources for over eating, there’s resources for like, you name it, and then you walk in. And sometimes when you walk into a library, you don’t go, I need to read everything, panic, run out overwhelmed, because that’s what this you know, we’re in our society with constantly do and consume and consume, we can control how much we consume, we can’t control how much we digest. So it’s like come in, what do you want to focus on this round? And make yourself at home, pull up a chair, create space to do this? And then whether you come back or not that skill of actually prioritising something, which is yourself is a lifelong thing. And that’s my hope.
Tony Winyard 31:23
So is this done? So you mentioned it’s like a kind of community type thing? Is this an online sort of zoom sessions? Plus, like a Facebook group as well? Or?
Suzanne Culberg 31:32
Yes, so it, it’s the combination of the Facebook group. So I teach modules, and I teach every round live. And that is a deliberate decision. I know, in business, it’s like, what do you call it? Let’s automate this, and let’s scale and whatever. But me personally, there’s a dead energy or something pre recorded, no, no knocking to people who do that. But there’s something about teaching it live. So I teach it via Facebook Live, so the clients can come, they can interact, the examples I use in that round can be specific to the people who were there, because they’re asking. And then we also have a group coaching call, which is on Zoom. So we all get to be in the Zoom Room together. And I really encourage people to show up as they feel comfortable. So sometimes people don’t want to have a camera on or they that at the beginning, they’re so shy, and that they can’t even ask a question. So like, for me, the bloom from people who, like feel like the loving Lurker and hide out like people often say to me the beginning, it’s really weird, because I feel like I know everyone because I listened to everything. But I realised how they don’t know me, because I never speak up. Going from there to like, the first time they comment or the first time they can the camera on. And it’s like, yes, but it’s like this zoom, and we’re from all over the globe. And yeah, so Facebook, zoom, and Facebook Live the combination. And we also do like a couple of times a week. I’m also Hypnotherapist. So like I said, lots of things in my hat. Hypnotherapy and journaling sessions. They’re not recorded. They’re like, you know, come live. Because I journal too because journaling, I think is such a powerful tool of transformation. And I’m fully transparent with my clients. I’ll be client here. I run them in the programme so that I have to do it as well. So I open it, I say what are we going to work on today? And then we’re all on Zoom, just mute do our journaling, and then we unpack at the end and that part isn’t recorded.
Tony Winyard 33:19
So what stage was it that you thought about doing a book?
Suzanne Culberg 33:24
I thought about doing a book fit for like as long as I can remember because being a yo yo Dieter I was obsessed with before and after stories, like I had every magazine, every book, everything you could think of. But I never found a story like mine. I was like there always before I was fat, frumpy, and my life was terrible. And after I was amazing. I was like, am I the only one who ended up down, up, down, up down. And then so I was like, I’m gonna write that book one day, and then kind of like ingest. And then I was like, No, I’m really gonna write the book. So I started to officially write it back in 2018. And it’s really raw. And I got I got about 75% of the way through. And I put it down for three years, Tony, I set it aside, I was like, I can’t face this, like this is too much. And then I picked it back up last year, and I finished it off and published it.
Tony Winyard 34:17
So what changed in that time? So you said that 75% There was too much. Why did it suddenly become Okay, two years later?
Suzanne Culberg 34:25
Well, I’d started in business. So like my journey originally was purely for me. And then I’d started my business and I had a business coach at the time and I could tell the story people wanted me to tell. So like I have personally released a lot of weight. And originally, I shared before and after photos and and all that sort of stuff. And I found I was attracting people who wanted to buy the after, though like well, I want to be that and I knew with the story they wanted me to create the Suzanne Kohlberg method and the Suzanne Kohlberg framework. And I know I could make a tonne of Only that way. Because when I was a personal trainer, what I didn’t share was I dropped that 43 kilos at the gym, I trained as a personal trainer, I signed 77 clients in my first week, because when people had seen you drop a tonne of weight they want when she’s having. But then there’s a difference between wanting to buy a result, as I said, with the client example, like over the wire weight, and actually being on the person who’s going to do it, I’m not saying you have to do this 24/7. And you know, that’s whatever, but you do need to make consistent and persistent daily action, small Penny action that compounds over time. So in the people I was working with back then they wanted it positioned in a certain way. And they were like, we can get you on Sunrise, it’s a TV like a news show here. And we can do all this stuff. I don’t ever want to go on TV, I’m very much introverted person, I don’t want to have to leave the house. So like it was, it was really confronting for me, because I don’t want to like I love podcasts over here in my PJs, and nobody knows. But I didn’t want to create the story of the picture of what people wanted. But I wasn’t strong enough yet to create the story of how it actually went. And so over the ensuing three years, where I really became to understand and I didn’t even write about over giving or any of this stuff in this book. So this book is my weight loss memoir. The next one that will be coming will be the accidental entrepreneur, the business memoir. But like I felt that wasn’t in a place that I could say, No, I don’t want to do these things. So I just scrapped the project.
Tony Winyard 36:32
And how, what’s the reaction been to the book?
Suzanne Culberg 36:34
No, but when was it published in September. And the reaction has been, it’s been really, really funny. Because you know how if a friend or somebody you know and follow, they publish a book, or they do something, so you buy it to kind of be nice, like, I want to support you, I followed you online for years, this has happened to more than one occasion, I bought your book, and they send me a picture with it, or they, you know, whatever. And then, you know, invariably, a week or two weeks, or sometimes a month later, I get this message. I had this literally more than once I started reading a book, like while I was cooking dinner or something, then I turned off the stove. And then I sat there. And then I thought I’ll just read it for this. And then like most people have read the entire thing. They’re like they couldn’t put it down. Because it was just like all that, especially people who knew me, I never knew that you went on this as the journey went through. Because we don’t talk about these things. And for people who don’t know me, the relation, they’re like, this could have been my story minus the peace at the end yet, but they’re not at the end yet. But it’s kind of like, and it’s funny, there’s lots of stories in it that I share. And for me, the most challenging one to write was the birth of my son, it was very difficult. It’s not graphic, but emotional. But the the feedback I get the most from the book is it’s actually in the first few chapters. And that’s the thing I’ll give your listeners if they’d like to download it. But when I was at school, there’s this project I made. There was glitter, there was photos, I’m eight years old, I go in there all excited. And people are like, what are you to what’s with that glitter. And, and we had to write our weight on this poster. And I was the heaviest. And like all the teasing and all the how many roles are in a bakery, which I didn’t understand I had to go and ask my dad, you know, like that, and how I like shrunk over the poster in shame and didn’t want it put up there. So many people can relate to that. Because how often are we so proud of something and then someone says, what you like that show, you’ve read that book, you follow that person? And we and we shrink. So it was the story of like, how that happened? And then how eventually, I just reached a place where I was like, I’m done being everyone else’s version, I just want to be me.
Tony Winyard 38:44
So who would you say the book would be most helpful for what kind of issues? What things are they struggling with?
Suzanne Culberg 38:52
It’s going to help them this, as I say, self worth, but then again, you don’t necessarily know you struggle with self worth, like how often do we not realise something until we’ve come out of the other side of it? What do they say Hindsight is 2020. But for anyone, whether it be weight or not like obviously if weights your jam, this is the book for you. But any goal that you’ve set what you’ve tried and failed and tried and failed and tried and failed, and you’re feeling at the point where like you really want it, but you you like is there something fundamentally wrong with me? Why does it happen for everyone else for not for me, and to see that you’re you can get there in the end? That’s this the story it’s for because it’s like there’s there’s so many ways to do this. And I believe, you know that saying, actually you asked me what my favourite quote was one of my other favourite quotes is, you know, 80% of success is simply showing up. I think for so many people, we think because we’ve failed so many times before, that there’s something wrong with us. And what I hope that people will get from the book is like the Thomas Edison approach, you haven’t failed 10,000 times you failed, you found 10,000 ways that don’t work and if you really want it enough, you get that to stay in the room and keep taking action,
Tony Winyard 40:03
Staying on the topic of books, you know, a question I ask guests, Is there a book that’s really moved you for any reason?
Suzanne Culberg 40:11
Yes. It’s PSYCHO CYBERNETICS by Maxwell Maltz.
Tony Winyard 40:17
I read this about 10 years ago. It’s an amazing book, isn’t it?
Suzanne Culberg 40:20
Yeah, I know. It was so funny. People recommended it to me. And I’ll be honest, the name didn’t appeal to me. And I should laugh at this because I’ve been people who haven’t bought my book or read it because of the name. So here I am, like, you know, recreating, you know, I’m not comparing my book to his that that’s, you know, but the name caught me off. I thought Psycho Cybernetics. That’s so weird isn’t about robots. It’s just an even after I’d read the blurb and it kind of piqued my interest. But I believe like when I keep getting a message, like the lessons that are meant for us, don’t pass us by. And it kept coming up in certain ways. So I was like, I’m gonna read this thing. And then I read it. And I loved it so much. I bought it on Audible. And the biggest takeaway from me for that book, because Maxwell Maltz, was a plastic surgeon. And he talks about how people come to him for and I talked about in the book, but I haven’t said yet I ended up having a tummy tuck, not for the cosmetic reasons, like that’s part of it. But all the excess skin like everywhere else, arms, neck, that that didn’t bother me, but the stomach was an issue. But he’s like, sometimes I do the surgery. And the people will be like, nothing’s changed. And I’ll stand there with them with the before and after photo like showing them look at your like a he does a nose job and that sort of thing. But look at your nose, look at your tummy. And they’re like nothing has changed. Because internally. And this is like when you reach your goal and you still feel inside. Like it’s not there. It’s almost a false goal. So what do we do we extend the goalposts are five more kilos, oh, I just got to get toned are like for me that the plastic surgery thing couldn’t have become, let’s do my arms, let’s do my neck, let’s do my body lift. And I’m not knocking people who go down that path. But none of those things to me matter. Now the stomach was an issue for reasons. But it was like the, it’s the inside that counts is what I took from that book. And I listened to at least once a year, it’s so powerful.
Tony Winyard 42:11
It made me think maybe I need to reread it because it’s so long since I’ve
Suzanne Culberg 42:16
so good. And you can get on Audible. So I’m the kind of weird person and if I love a book, I’ll get it on the book and audible. And
Tony Winyard 42:24
it’s funny you say that because I listen to a lot of books on audible. And sometimes every now and then a book really just hits me, then I will buy the physical version as well. And I will listen to it as I’m physically reading it so that because sometimes if you read the book, your mind can get distracted and go off in different places. And even more so if you listen to a book. But what I’ve discovered with me is if I physically read it and listen to it, my mind is far less likely to get distracted. And I really take it in much more detail.
Suzanne Culberg 42:59
A number of people have asked me when my the audible of mine is coming. But the thing is, I’m a little bit of a snob as in I only really liked the book, if it’s read by the author. There’ll be exceptions where I’ll go ahead I’m pretty sure maxwell maltz doesn’t read his. But I don’t know if I could read my book. There’s some sections in there that like I, I felt like I was opening emotional wounds writing it as like, I don’t know how I go reading that. So it may come it may not come but I love how you said there’s something about the synergy of listening and reading and how you just steeping the information so much more. Yeah.
Tony Winyard 43:31
If people want to find out more about you and your course that you have and your coaching and everything else, where would they go?
Suzanne Culberg 43:39
That’s a great question. My website SuzanneCulberg.com. You put the spelling I’m sure in the show notes. Because Culberg is not I’ve never actually had anyone get it right the first time. It’s currently undergoing a rebrand but because yeah, primarily up until now I have been mainly a weight loss coach. But over the last 12 months, it’s really shifted into this over giving over consuming and, and the thing is I’ve never really felt at ease with the weight loss title, because I’ve never weighed people in or out, told them what to eat or how to move or done any of the traditional things. So it’s more about this really, how to say yes to self, how to belong, how to find the community in a safer space where you can start to unpack who you are, and then take that out into other areas of your life.
Tony Winyard 44:26
And are you active on social media?
Suzanne Culberg 44:28
Yes, Facebook is my jam facebook.com forward slash Suzanne Culberg. I’m debating Instagram. It’s so funny. I have one but I’m never actually on there. Maybe one day I don’t know I’ve just I don’t find it as intuitive but apparently it’s more of a thing. So you know that may be up and coming.
Tony Winyard 44:46
So just to finish you mentioned about a quotation what is the quotation that you particularly like?
Suzanne Culberg 44:53
my absolute favourite quote of all time is by Sophia Bush, and she says you can be a masterpiece, and a work in progress simultaneously. And I think you know, when we remember that, because sometimes we think when we get there, then our life will be magic and amazing. But our life can be a magic and amazing now. And when we find the areas that, you know, we can celebrate, now, we have more to celebrate. And it doesn’t mean that we don’t have bad days or times where everything’s too hard. But you know, we still like to stay in the room. So it’s the kind of the combination of successes at present and turning up and you can be a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously.
Tony Winyard 45:32
Well, Suzanne, really appreciate your time. And thank you for sharing everything, I’m sure. While I’m hoping people will get a lot out of some of the some of the great tips that you gave, so how you know how they can kind of rethink some of the situations they may be in, and hopefully some of them will contact you as well.
Suzanne Culberg 45:47
Thank you so much, Tony. It’s been great.
Tony Winyard 45:50
Next week is episode 66 with Jay Fields, who is an educator, coach and author, and has been teaching people to principles of embodied social and emotional intelligence to individuals and organisations for 20 years. So we discuss a lot about empathy and emotional intelligence, being grounded and so on. So that’s next week with Joe fields. If you only want to get some real value from some of the information that Suzanne shared with us today. Please do share the episode with them. And hope you have a great week.
Thanks for tuning in to the habits and health podcast where we believe creating healthy habits should be easy. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave us a review on your favourite podcast app. Sign up for email updates and learn about coaching and workshop opportunities at TonyWinyard.com See you next time on the habits and health podcast.
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